Going Your Own Way: Why Use Influencing Skills?

Popular titles like "How to win friends and influence people" are symptomatic of the general opinion of being influential: it's a very good thing. If someone described you as an "influential" person - you'd be pleased, wouldn't you? Wielding influence comes with the notion of authority, respect and positivity... the trick is to know how to harness it.

The positivity of influence speaks for itself. Think of the alternatives - coercion, persuasion (although that's not always bad), manipulation, bribery, even bullying. Influence is all about getting your way - the nice way. We all have influence. The first mistake people make when thinking about influencing skills is that only people in a position of power or authority have them. Not so! Think of a bad influence - we all know one of those: still influential, but in a negative way. If you want to be a good influence at work, you don't need to be a leader or manager. Put that idea out of your head, and then think about who you could possibly influence positively at work, and why you would want to.

Co-operation is the key to influencing: you want people to co-operate with you in a team, or for a project, or in any business relationship (selling is an obvious example - you want to get customers to buy!). In short, you want someone to agree with your way forward, in a way that makes the proposal positive for both of you.

What drives influence? It almost sounds too simple, but we humans all have a basic need to be listened to. Think about it - being a "good listener" is always a positive characteristic. People respond well to being listened to - that's why the other alternatives such as coercion won't work... it creates difficulty further down the line. If you 'hear someone out', you are, in fact, influencing them positively, showing that you are aware and interested in their side of the deal, or their part of the job you want them to co-operate with, If you've ever had a boss or colleague whom you felt didn't listen to a word you said, did you feel valued or motivated? Probably not.

Trying to find joint motives - or common ground - is another way of influencing, it makes people come onto your wavelength immediately. Let's say you wanted a colleague to work late with you to finish a project. They don't want to. You know, however, that your colleague has complained about projects always running behind. Your influence could be finding that you both agree about the negativity of missing deadlines, and then mention that by working late, you're going to meet this one. It makes your proposal so much easier for them to digest - and you don't feel like your request is an imposition.

Different types of people respond to influencing in different ways - there are literally hundreds of different training courses on Influencing Skills that will help you to identify and work positively with different kinds of people. What works in influencing one person may backfire on another. Influencing Skills should be tailored to individuals - interestingly it's one of the few things in business that can't really be applied generally.

Another interesting phenomenon to consider before you take up any kind of training on Influencing Skills is this: some people don't actually feel happy or comfortable being an influencer. Not so hard to imagine if you think about it - it's probably very similar to the almost universal fear of public speaking - you are the focus of attention, and it's the same with being influential. There can be other things at play - whether your self esteem as an employee is low (same for morale), or if you're just not used to being in a position of having to get other people on your side. The trick, as mentioned before, is to embrace the realisation that you are already an influencer - if you have kids, you're their biggest influence. The same goes for the rest of your family, if you've ever sold anything (influencing people to buy), or just trying to debate something.

Influence is everywhere, and if you harness and execute it well in your professional life - you'll be the person everyone wants to do business with.