Assertiveness: Don't Just Say No

I have a friend who recently set up a bookkeeping firm. She was doing well but, like most businesses, she had a problem with a late payer. She told me that she didn't want to come on too heavy to him in asking for payment, as she didn't want to upset him and lose his custom. She continued to do his books while making half-hearted requests for payment until he disappeared into the sunset without paying a penny. So in the end she lost the customer and the money, anyway - a far worse outcome than had she been more assertive at the outset.

It is not easy to be assertive in certain situations. As with my bookkeeper friend, new businesses do not want to risk losing customers by being over-assertive and new employees face a similar problem when asked to perform tasks beyond the realm of duty. Take the case of Harry, who was on a month's trial at the firm of Fawn & Grovel Ltd.

Harry's new supervisor asked him to do a little extra work after hours, without pay. Anxious not to disappoint and keen to show willing, he agreed. The same thing happened the following day and it became a regular request. Harry was well pleased with the way in which he demonstrated the lengths he was prepared to go to for the cause of the firm. At the end of his third week Harry received a hand-delivered letter from head office. He expected it to be a thank you for the sacrifices he had made and he even dared to imagine a cheque inside for services rendered. He tore open the envelope and read the letter. It said,

Dear Harry

Over the course of your month's trial with our firm your supervisor has asked you on several occasions to work unpaid for an hour or so after your paid employment with us had ended. You agreed to do so on each occasion and you tackled the work with eagerness and without complaint, and in this your efforts have not gone unnoticed.

(At this point Harry was delighted)

However, I must inform you that these requests for you to work unpaid overtime were an integral part of your trial with this firm and in this respect you have not fared well at all. Your complete compliance with each unreasonable request we made demonstrates to us a distinct lack of assertiveness on your part. We are looking for employees who are not afraid to disagree with their superiors and who will stand their ground, not sycophantic yes-men, in whose camp you appear to be billeted.

Your employment with this firm will cease next Friday. You will be paid for those hours of overtime you worked as part of your trial. I would like to thank you for your efforts and I wish you good luck in the future.

Regards

U Fawn

(At this point Harry was devastated)

Poor old Harry. He should have refused to go along with the unreasonable requests from his employers, but, not wishing to appear confrontational, he relented. So how should he have dealt with the situation? Here are some tips on how he could have responded.

Don't 'Just Say No'
A flat refusal to do the work could have Harry marked down as being undependable when the firm needs help, so it is far better to sugar the pill with a positive. He could have offered an alternative solution by refusing to do the unpaid evening work, but offering to come in on Saturday morning (on full pay) if the firm was struggling to meet commitments. Even if this suggestion were dismissed immediately, Harry would still have delivered a far softer blow than a straight 'no'.

Keep It Business, Not Personal
In refusing to do the extra hours Harry should take care not to adopt a 'why me?' approach, as though he had been singled out to do the unpaid overtime. It was an unreasonable request no matter which employee it was directed at and it is this unreasonable aspect that should be challenged. Rather than going on the defensive complaining that he had been there since seven in the morning, Harry should have responded to the request by leaving himself out completely. "I don't think it's reasonable to ask us to work unpaid," or "Why are we being asked to do this?" would have been better options.

Be Discreet
Back in the bad old days the boss bawling out a lesser employee at the top of his voice was a common occurrence. In these enlightened times disagreements in the workplace are generally resolved through civilized discussion, although old habits die hard in some places. Harry should be careful to maintain his composure in refusing to work the unpaid hours. Raising his voice would be seen as a challenge to the authority of his supervisor and that would only mean more problems further down the line. Raised voices could portray Harry as the villain, rather than the unreasonable request of the supervisor.

Assertiveness is a business skill it is definitely worth learning as, by its very nature, it is geared towards a favourable outcome for the user. It is one of those skills that can also come in useful outside of the workplace, in family disputes, returning faulty goods to a store etc, so why not assert yourself and look into it?